


Watch the Birdie

by Jadesfire2808 (Jadesfire)



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-22
Updated: 2009-12-22
Packaged: 2017-10-05 00:05:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/35536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadesfire/pseuds/Jadesfire2808
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i> Sheppard had long known that his football footage wasn't the most unusual personal item that had been brought to Atlantis.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Watch the Birdie

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. Written following the recent pictures posted on Joe Malozzi's blog, specifically [this one.](http://josephmallozzi.files.wordpress.com/2008/03/dsc05361.jpg) (non-spoilery) Because you shouldn't put a prop like that in a picture without expecting fanfic.   
> 2\. Ornithological advice is from [Birding.com](http://www.birding.com), although I don't know that you'll find an _anas plastikē_ listed there...  
> 3\. This isn't quite crack!fic, but I'd definitely classify it under 'silly'.

_Birding Advice (Year One):  
You need to know what to expect in your area...Checklists of birds in your area will tell you this._

Sheppard had long known that his football footage wasn't the most unusual personal item that had been brought to Atlantis. He knew for a fact that one of the biologists had brought a stuffed mouse1 "for sentimental reasons," while at least two of the marines had Barbie dolls in their packs. He didn't ask about that one.

But it wasn't until he bumped into Ford in one of the infirmary's shower rooms that he realized just how broadly the term 'personal item' could be interpreted. The lieutenant was wearing scrubs, his uniform slung over his arm and the incriminating evidence clutched in his right hand.

"Something you want to tell me, Ford?" Sheppard said, leaning against the doorway to block the escape route.

"Er…no, sir?" Since it was too late to hide the conspicuous object behind his back, Ford gave Sheppard an awkward grin. "I just sort of…found it."

"Right." Sheppard would have folded his arms if it wasn't for the mud covering pretty much all of his uniform, his hair, his face, hands and boots right at that moment. Carson had given him and Ford scrubs and instructions to get the worst off before he did the post-mission checks. Apparently Ford had fancied some company in the shower.

"I think it must have been left here from when Doctor Beckett was doing checks on the Athosian kids," Ford said, giving the object a nervous look, as though it was a block of C4.

No, Sheppard corrected himself. Ford wasn't nervous with C4, and it seemed a small rubber duck could achieve what high explosives couldn't. Deciding to put Ford out of his misery, and that he already had plenty of material for the future, Sheppard pushed himself upright, wincing as some of the dried mud cracked across the back of his hands, pulling out the hairs with it. That was another good reason to move; if he didn't get this stuff washed off soon, he was going to get stuck.

So he smothered his smirk and made his way past Ford, plucking the bright yellow toy from his hands as he did so.

"Thanks, Lieutenant." And really, the look on Ford's face was worth it. His eyes widened for a moment, before he remembered that he wasn't supposed to stare at his CO as though he was insane, despite evidence to the contrary. When Sheppard dropped the scrubs onto a bench and carefully placed the duck on top, he heard a muffled sound from Ford's direction, swiftly followed by retreating footsteps.

Carefully peeling off his uniform, Sheppard contemplated the rubber duck. He had no idea who had brought it, and although there was probably a way to find out, he wasn't inclined to give it back just yet. Not when there were so many other things he could do with it.

Happily whistling to himself, Sheppard turned on the shower and began to make plans.

 

1 As in, a mouse that had been a victim of taxidermist, not a plush toy. The latter would have been much less disturbing.

* * *

 

_ Birding Advice (Year Two):  
Join a group of other birders. Birders are very friendly and helpful._

"What the hell is this?"

Sheppard absolutely did not turn around, although it was possible that he moved his head enough to see McKay out of the corner of his eye.

"It appears to be a toy," Teyla said, and Sheppard caught a flash of yellow before he quickly returned his gaze to the horizon.

"Did you bring along a mascot, McKay?" he asked, not grinning exactly, but not managing to keep a straight face either.

"Not as far as I was aware," McKay replied, in a tone of voice somewhere between strangled and confused.

Turning to look past Sheppard, Ronon frowned. This was only his second mission with the team, and Sheppard was still working on interpreting his various expressions. He hoped this one was 'puzzled'. "What is it?"

"It's an toy called a rubber duck."

Sheppard had almost forgotten that McKay could glare with his voice, but he'd long since become immune to its effect. "Kids play with them in the bath," he said, shrugging when Ronon raised an eyebrow at him. "It's an Earth thing."

That didn't seem to be enough of an explanation for Ronon. "Why have you got one in your bag, McKay?"

"I wish I knew." The heat from Rodney's stare was burning the back of Sheppard's neck, although that might just have been the sun. "Someone must have put it in there before we left."

"Do Earth people commonly travel with these toys?" Teyla was using her special 'humoring the Earthlings' voice, and when Sheppard turned, she was looking from him to McKay with a mixture of amusement and confusion.

McKay shook his head, turning the duck in his hands for a moment, before stuffing it back into his bag. "Not usually." He didn't look at Sheppard as he went on, "Concealing toys or other embarrassing objects in people's possessions is a common form of humor among less mature members of the expedition."

"On Sateda," Ronon said thoughtfully, "women used to give secret gifts to the men they wanted to marry."

"A courtship present," Teyla put in, nodding. "The practice is common among the Athosians as well."

A brief look of horror went across Rodney's face, and he dropped the duck as though it was burning him. Rolling his eyes, Sheppard said, "We don't do that on Earth," he said firmly, adding after a moment, "At least, not with bath toys. Come on, McKay. Stop littering the planet, get out whatever it is that you need and let's go."

McKay was a real pain for the rest of the mission, even more so than usual, and especially when they found that the people they'd come to trade with had moved on to another world. He complained about the heat, the sun, the dust, the pollen, the grass and the heat again. Even Ronon's glares and eventual growls didn't shut him up, and Sheppard didn't think he'd ever been so relieved to step through the 'gate to Atlantis again.

As he was hanging up his tac vest, he wasn't in the least surprised to discover that the rubber duck was hanging from one of the loose straps at the back.

* * *

 

_ Birding Advice (Year Three):  
You need to be able to find the birds. To do this, you should learn about the habitat each species of bird prefers._

Of all the things he'd expected to find in Ronon's quarters, Sheppard had to admit that the rubber duck had been pretty low on the list. He and McKay had passed the damn thing back and forth a few times over the past few years, before Sheppard had branched out by hiding it in Lorne's backpack before an off-world trip. Since then, he'd spotted it all over the city, in people's quarters, in the control room, the mess, the science labs and, on one memorable occasion, Elizabeth's office, sitting between some photographs and a handmade pot. He had to admit that it had looked less out of place there than it did here, perched precariously on top of an animal pelt, next to some large candles.

Realizing that he was staring, he half-smiled and asked, "Where'd you get that?"

"Found it on the bed in the infirmary this morning. Thought I should bring it back with me."

"The doc clear you to leave?" Sheppard asked. He'd seen the white bandage on the back of Ronon's neck from where Carson had removed the tracking device (again), but he wanted to make sure there were no lingering effects from Ronon's numerous Wraith encounters over the last few days.

"No missions for a week, but apart from that, I'm fine."

Seriously doubting it, but not wanting to push just yet, Sheppard settled for an understanding nod. Ronon looked like he was about ready to fall over (again), and Sheppard didn't want to be in the way when he did.

"That's good. I'll stand the team down for a week or so and we'll pick things up when you're better." He clapped Ronon on the shoulder, then headed for the door, lifting his chin to the duck as he went. "And take good care of the duckie," he added, hearing Ronon's soft snort of laughter as the door slid closed behind him.

* * *

 

_ Birding Advice (Year Four):  
Have fun. Ask lots of questions. Be kind to birds._

"Have you seen it?"

Looking up from his comic, Sheppard raised an eyebrow. "Come in, Rodney."

"What? Oh, right." Belatedly realizing that he'd walked into Sheppard's quarters without knocking, McKay waved a hand either apologetically or dismissively, then asked again, "Have you seen it?"

"Almost certainly."

"Where?"

"I have no idea." Sheppard folded up his comic and waited for McKay to catch up. When he still looked blank, Sheppard added, "Maybe if you told me what you were looking for…"

"Didn't I say?"

"No."

"Oh." McKay straightened his shoulders as though bracing himself. "Well, it's just that the Daedalus brought some of the things we ordered for Teyla. You do remember that we ordered things for Teyla, right?"

How Sheppard was supposed to forget one of the most traumatic requisitions forms of his life, he wasn't sure (_"Booties? Rodney are you-" "I got a list from Jeannie, alright? And booties were on it." "Fine. But we're not getting any in pink." "Whatever. Next on the list is…diapers."_), so he just carried on looking at McKay, waiting for an explanation.

As always with McKay, he didn't have to wait for long. "Well, I went round some of the departments because various people had wanted to chip in and I got some toys and some blankets and things, so I didn't notice it was missing until I was boxing everything up."

"Didn't notice what was missing?"

"The rubber duck."

Sheppard blinked, and McKay went on, "I last saw it months ago when Frederick's team took it to P98-4XV."

"Isn't that the mission where they got pelted with rocks?"

McKay's expression suggested that marines were not only rock proof, but that they probably deserved the rocks in the first place. "They were fine, but the duck got dented, so they sent it to engineering-"

"Naturally."

"-except _they_ haven't seen it since they passed it back to the control room staff, who'd been sending it on assignments."

"Assignments." Sheppard said flatly.

"They've been giving it to teams to take out with them, you know, like a mascot or something. Only they haven't seen it since they gave it to Lorne's team weeks ago, and Parrish swears they brought it back."

"And now they can't find it."

"Isn't that what I said?" McKay was using his best 'get with the program' voice. " I thought it'd be nice to give it to Teyla, sort of a present from all of Atlantis. But I can't do that if no one knows where it is."

Sheppard stared at McKay, thinking for a minute, then he leaned over and pulled open his bedside drawer. It took him a moment to unhook the duck from a guitar strap that had inexplicably made its way in there, then he threw it over to McKay, who fumbled for a moment but just about held on to it. The look he gave Sheppard was two parts surprise and one part laughter, but he apparently had sense enough not to voice either.

"Thanks," he said, coughing a little and glancing down at the battered yellow toy. "Er, can I ask-"

"Nope. Not unless you want me to tell everyone about that little incident on P40-561. The one with the bunnies and the-"

"Your secret is safe with me," McKay said quickly, doing a passable impression of a salute, only slightly marred by the fact that he was saluting with the hand holding the duckie. "Er…thanks."

Sheppard waited until McKay had gone before picking up his comic and starting to read again. Even so, it was difficult to concentrate on Batman when he couldn't stop himself from grinning. He was also thinking about what he could requisition from Earth, because it wouldn't be fair to keep stealing the duck from Teyla's kid.

A My Little Pony should do nicely.

 

* * *


End file.
